Through the Trees
by bipolar.poet08
Summary: "I want to join the Survey Corps because I am terrified of what is out there. It scares me so much that I can't breathe sometimes. I can't sleep because I have nightmares. That one day ruined my life and I want to change it. So call me insane or suicidal, but know this. You can't convince me to change my mind."
1. Chapter 1

Nadine was fast.

She was very, very fast for a ten year old as she ran along with the stampede of people making their way towards the back gates of Shinganshina.

' _Titans_ ' she thought as she dodged a woman hysterically screaming in fright as she pointed upwards at the gaping hole in the Wall, ' _They're going to kill everyone._ '

She had seen from far the massive humanoid, which would later be named the Colossus Titan, kick a giant hole in Wall Maria. Even from a distance, the titan was huge _and bloody terrifying_.

 _'My family!_ ' was the first thing that came to Nadine's mind as the screaming began.

Loud, deafening thuds were heard and men, women and, children alike started to race past her towards the inner gate which led to the southern district within Wall Rose.

The red-haired girl turned where she stood and ran.

She thanked the three goddesses that her family waiting for her at the ferry heading into Wall Rose.

 _'I just need to find my family_.' The little girl stumbled over the fallen fruits from the now abandoned carts as she tried to figure out which way to turn.

She knew that there were a lot of casualties already. Debris had flown over the houses situated near the outer Wall when the titan had kicked it down, crushing the buildings, its inhabitants and anyone standing nearby. She knew that the titans had now entered Shinganshina and were now devouring anyone in their path, _and it petrified her_.

Nadine tripped over her feet and realised that she was familiar with the road she was following, and sped up.

Her mind then drifted towards the friend she had wanted to visit, the friend she was going to see when disaster had struck, ' _I hope he escapes. I hope both of them escape_.'

How excited she had been to see Eren Yeager and his best friend Armin Arlert. It had been over a year since she had poked fun at the two of them, since she had moved to Trost with her family.

There were already people on the ferry by the time she arrived at the docks. A large crowd had gathered and they were now filing into one of the two large ferries present. Soldiers from the Garrison were trying to control the crowd.

"Papa!" Nadine called out, as loud as she could. Her heart beat so loud that it drowned out every other noise. She could barely hear herself, she was so scared, "Papa! Mumma! "

With every passing second, she could feel the Titans nearing.

The red-haired girl frantically looked around, screaming for her parents, pushing past people.

 _'It'll be alright'_ she thought, _'I'm far away from the titans. They won't get me or anyone around me. They can't get here so fast.'_

It was as if she had jinxed herself because in the next moment, a 12 metre tall humanoid, with twisted arms and a crooked neck slowly walked into the opening. Its head suddenly tilted towards the crowd and for that second everything had gone quiet. No one said a word.

Then it started to run.

Chaos erupted. People screamed. Everyone ran helter-skelter.

Men and women shoved and pushed each other away, trying to get on the ferry. Nadine ran towards the giant boat along with them, but because of her short stature, she kept colliding with someone or the other from the crowd.

The titan was very near now. It was running over people, trampling them to death.

If it were any other time, any other place where the titan was far, far away from her, Nadine would have laughed until she had cried because of how funny the titan looked.

"Where is the Garrison?" A man screamed.

"Where's the Scouting Legion?" Another screamed as the titan got nearer.

' _Where_ are _they?_ ' Nadine thought too.

To her and everyone else's horror, the titan had now picked up a woman and was staring intently at her. And the woman screeched so loudly that Nadine was sure that her lungs would collapse. The lady beat her fists onto the titan's hand which was tightly wrapped around her. The humanoid visibly strengthened its grip on her and the woman began to choke.

None from the crowd dared to move.

Nadine was in disbelief. She couldn't accept that this was happening.

Slowly, as if it was enjoying the onlookers' terrified faces, the titan began to squeeze the woman's head with its thumb and forefinger. The woman screamed and screamed and Nadine was sure that she'd never forget it. With a sickening crack, the woman's skull broke and blood sprayed everywhere. The titan brought the woman towards its mouth.

The red-haired girl began to feel sick, ' _I can't watch this._ '

Someone from the crowd yelled, "Forget her! Everyone, get on the ferry!"

' _NO!_ ' Nadine's eyes widened as everyone turned and ran, ' _Somebody help her!_ ' In that moment, she forgot that the woman was already dead.

It was after that she heard the bones of the woman break that she snapped out of her daze. In great trepidation did she realise that the woman's body was now lifeless and headless and that perhaps she was the only one staring at the blood spurting out from the corpse.

It was after the titan tore down the body in half did she understand that she had to run now too. The titan slowly scanned over the chaos. For a second, Nadine thought that she had made eye contact with the monster. And she was right.

It had slowly begun to make its way towards her, swinging its weirdly bent arms.

' _I need to run._ '

So she turned and ran, bumping into frantic bodies.

She was so close to the ramp now that she could feel the relief of being safe. Only, someone had shoved her aside so harshly that she felt herself falling sideways. The thumps of the titan's footsteps grew louder.

' _This is it. I'm going to die. Either I'll get trampled or I'll get eaten by the titans._ ' She thought and screwed her eyes shut, feeling tears leak out from the corners, ' _Maybe, I'll wake up and this'll all be a bad dream._ '

Time slowed down and she could hear the whirring of the 3DMG gear that she had seen the Garrison soldiers use occasionally.

Someone grabbed her by the arm tightly and she gasped at the sudden pain. Her eyes flew open as she was dragged forcefully towards the boat.

' _Dad!_ ' She recognised her father's black hair and lean figure through her blurry vision.

"I've got you, Nadine." He spoke, out of breath, "Come on, love, let's get back to your mother."

Speechless, she could just nod.

They had barely managed to escape the titan, she noted. If her father had been even a second late, they both would've been squashed by the tall humanoid.

Within a few moments, she found herself tucked in her mother's arms as the older woman sobbed in relief and kissed her forehead and cheeks repeatedly. Her father pushed back his dark hair as he leaned against the railing of the ferry, catching his breath.

Nadine buried face in her mother's dark blouse, her heart hammering away, "Are we safe now?"

"I think so, my love." Her mother said, tucking a strand of dark red hair behind her ear, "The soldiers are here and they're going to save as many of us as they can. And the ferry will be moving any second now."

"Do you think Ehaan knows we're here?" Nadine looked up at her father who was watching the now decaying carcass of the titan lying on the docks.

"No." Her father replied, his light brown eyes turned to her, "Neither does my sister. She was already on an expedition when we left Trost. I did send a letter to a friend of mine in the Survey Corps. The Scouts returned today. Hopefully, they mustn't have gone far and can return to help."

The ferry was packed. More people were trying to get on but the soldiers kept them at bay. Very few had arrived safely. Most had lost their family members while traversing through the district.

Nadine looked around to see if she could spot someone familiar but Eren and Armin were nowhere in sight. Her heart clenched.

Looking at the empty faces that surrounded her and her parents, Nadine Vogel realised that this was the worst day that humanity had ever faced.

* * *

 **AAAH, I'M SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS STORY!**

 **But excited at the same time.**

 **Thank you for reading! I recently gained the courage to start writing an AoT fic and I would really really appreciate it if you guys tell me how you like it. After much searching, I came to a conclusion that Jean needs a lot of love because he is, by far, one of the best characters in the series/manga. I love him to bits. He won't make an immediate appearence in the story and the fic will be a slowburn, but please leave reviews and tell me how I can improve or if you liked it. It encourages me alot.**

 **Thank you for reading once again! ^-^**


	2. Chapter 2

Saira Vogel was in the middle of exterminating a 15 metre titan when the news had arrived.

"The breach in Wall Maria cannot be repaired immediately. You have been ordered to retreat." The messenger wearing the Garrison insignia yelled "Spread the word!" He shot his grappling hook onto a tall building and swung away.

Cutting the nape of the titan's neck, Sabrina landed on the roof of a nearby house. Sheathing her blades, she called for Killian, one of the new recruits who had been assigned to her squad, "Knight! Call the squad back. We're retreating now."

The brunet nodded and disappeared, returning a few moments later with Squad Hanji, Mike and Saira's own squad consisting of three more soldiers.

The three squad leaders exchanged nods and headed back to Wall Rose.

"Any casualties?" Mike Zacharias asked the two as they led their teams.

"None that I know of," Saira replied, "Hanji?"

"One of the injured cadets who volunteered to fight." She said, "Torn into bits. We couldn't do much, anyway. All of us are exhausted by the expedition."

"Incoming!" Moblit, Hanji's assistant yelled, "A 7 metre and a 15 metre. The 15 metre in an Abnormal."

Mike readied his blades, "I got this."

"Captain, we'll take the 7 metre." Killian and Nanaba, Mike's squad member, yelled.

The 7 metre Abnormal was running at top speed, colliding with buildings and swinging its fists. Nanaba swung towards its feet, chopping away its Achilles tendon, making the titan stumbling and crash onto the ground. Killian took the chance and sliced off its nape.

Mike had meanwhile cut off the limbs of the 15 metre and before it could regenerate, he killed the titan.

"After this is over," The blond man said, "I'm going to shove flowers up my nose to heal from the trauma."

Amused laughter was heard.

* * *

It had been three days since they had returned from the expedition. After three days of resting, Saira had decided that she'd pay a visit to HQ just for the sake of it.

"Saira!"

The black haired woman turned at the sound of the familiar voice.

Walking down the hall towards her was her fellow squad leader, Erwin Smith, who had been spared from going on an expedition due to an injury.

"I have been looking for you."

"Erwin! How's that shoulder?" Saira's green eyes shone with happiness at the sight of her long-time friend.

"It's healed now. I was able to help out at Shinganshina." The man smiled at her, "Speaking of which, I had something to tell you." His voice suddenly turned serious.

Saira frowned, "What is it?"

"When was the last time you heard from Sebastian?"

Her frown deepened, "The letter brother sent a month ago was the last time we communicated. Why, what's wrong?"

Erwin sighed heavily, "I received a letter from him a few days after you left. He was in Shinganshina, with Adeline and their daughter."

Saira felt her blood run cold. The colour drained from her face. "D-did you hear anything else? Are they-?" _alive?_

He shook his head, looking mournful, "I couldn't find out anything. There's pandemonium in the districts within Wall Rose. Sai-" He lifted his arms and grabbed her shoulders suddenly to steady her.

The woman clutched his hands tightly, "Erwin, I need to see them. I need to see if they're alright. I _have to leave._ "

Nodding in response, Erwin reached the pockets of his uniform and pulled out a roll of parchment, "I've already spoken to Shadis. He granted you, as well as the others who had family in the South, the leave. Depart as soon as you can. Write to me when you get to know their whereabouts. Do you know where they live?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. Trost. I'll leave. Right away." She pulled away from the older man and began to walk away in a daze.

"Saira!" Erwin called to her again.

Trembling at the very slightest, she turned.

"Pull yourself together." He said, "They'll be fine."

Saira hoped that he was right.

* * *

Levi was in the stables, tending to his horse when he saw his colleague hasten towards him. Her hair was coming loose from her ponytail and her green eyes looked beyond troubled.

"Vogel?" He raised his eyebrows at her and eyed the bag that was on her back, "Going somewhere?"

"I need to borrow your horse, Levi. Please. Its the fastest." The dark haired woman begged, "I need a ride to Trost. It's urgent. My family-"

Levi passed her the reins wordlessly. He inferred that her family must've been in Shinganshina when Wall Maria was breached.

Saira led the horse outside and mounted it, "I'll bring your horse back within a few days. Thank you." She said to Levi, who had followed her.

"No rush." He waved it off.

She nodded towards him and took off. What must've been a few hours of tireless riding, Saira finally entered the city of Trost. It was after she observed everyone staring daggers at her did she realise that she was still in her Survey Corps uniform.

"-What's the point of them-?"

"-Couldn't even stop the titans-"

"-if they had done their job-"

"-wouldn't need to shelter those refugees-"

Saira tried to ignore the comments that were being thrown at her. She focused solely on getting to her brother. When it became difficult for the horse to move because of the crowded roads, she got off and held the horse by the reins. The few times she asked for directions, she was met with harsh glares and hurtful words. Some ended up sending her the wrong way.

' _Can't they not just tell me the right way!?_ ' Saira thought furiously.

After another two hours, just before sundown, she spotted the familiar house, built in between two other houses, with smoke rising from its chimney.

Her heart beat faster.

She tied the horse to the lamp post in front of the house and slammed her fist onto the wooden door.

It was Adeline who opened the door. Sweet Adeline, with her burgundy hair cascading down her back and a ladle in hand.

Adeline's golden eyes widened at the woman's appearance and she was taken by surprise when the said woman threw her arms around her.

"Sa-Saira? Is everything alright? Are you okay?" The older of the two women, hugged Saira back and when they separated, Saira was close to tears.

"You're all alright, aren't you? Even _bhaiyya_?" She managed to speak.

Adeline ushered her inside, "See for yourself."

Entering the cottage, she saw her brother Sebastian sitting on the couch and her niece, Nadine, curled up next to him, with her head on his lap.

Sebastian turned to see his sister standing next to his wife, on the verge of wailing while gaping at him. He smiled and gently lifted Nadine's head off of him and stood up. With three long strides, the siblings had tightly engulfed each other.

"We're all okay." He spoke, "I'm so sorry to make you worry."

"I can't tell you how scared I was." Saira replied. They let go of each other and she turned to look at Adeline, "Erwin told me that you were in Shinganshina."

"I sent him a letter, yes." Her brother replied, "I was overseeing some supplies which were to be made to the Garrison and Addy had some work with one of the doctors. We were going to return a day before the Fall, but…" he trailed off and glanced at his daughter, sleeping fitfully on the couch, "she wanted to see a friend of hers. So we stayed back. Luckily, we were near the ferry so we could escape quickly."

"Have you written to Ehaan?"

"Not yet." Adeline spoke, leading them to the dining table where they sat down, "He hasn't graduated from the Training Corps yet so I expect them to be in the middle of an examination. I heard that they weren't sent to Wall Maria."

"How was the expedition?" Sebastian changed the topic warily.

"It made no difference whatsoever." Saira leaned her elbow on the tabletop, rubbing her temples as extreme fatigue suddenly took over her body, "More deaths and zero progress. Fucking titans have wiped out almost all of our soldiers."

"I don't understand why you chose the Survey Corps in the first place." Her brother chided her.

"Not this again!"

" I'm just saying-"

"I thought I could make a difference by-"

"But you haven't!"

"That doesn't mean I give up, _bhaiyya_."

"Yes, it-"

"Enough!" Adeline demanded, silencing the squabbling siblings, "Sai, you must be exhausted. I'll prepare your room. Why don't you come upstairs with me? I'll find something for you to change in."

"I'd love that, Addy." Standing up, she followed her sister-in-law till the stairs before stopping.

"What is it?" Sebastian asked from his spot.

"Is it okay if I leave the horse tied to the lamp post outside?"

* * *

 _Bhaiyya - **Elder brother**_

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Follow. Favorite. Review! ^-^**


	3. Chapter 3

It took three months for the nightmares to stop. Three months of Nadine screaming in her sleep as she dreamt of her brother and aunt being devoured by the Colossus Titan.

For the first two weeks, her father came running into her room to wake her. After that, Sebastian and Adeline made her sleep in their room with them.

She was scared to go to sleep every night. She was scared of the deaths she dreamt of.

After five nights in a row, when the nightmares didn't occur again, she shifted back to her own bedroom. Unfortunately for her, the dreams had not stopped.

The ten year old was twisting in her sleep, screaming and sweating. She grit her teeth and clutched her bedsheet tightly. Marco, who was here to see her, panicked at the sight of his friend weeping in her sleep. He hurried to her side.

"Nadine! It's alright. You're safe now." The freckled boy tried to shake her wake up, "Nadine, wake up! Please. It's okay."

Nadine's eyes flew open and she jerked to sit up straight. Marco engulfed the red-head in his arms as she quietly sobbed, clutching his vest. The freckled boy gently patted her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The freckled boy asked.

"Titans ate my brother." She said, hiccupping into his shirt.

A saddened look passed through Marco's eyes. Ever since she had returned from Shinganshina, something had changed in Nadine. Every loud sound frightened her. She jumped every time a horse neighed loudly or when planks of wood were being hammered on a construction site. She spoke less and was always vigilant of her surroundings.

"Come on, let's wipe those tears away." Marco sent her a small smile, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from her face.

"I'm s-sorry." Nadine rubbed her eyes aggressively, not liking the way she always wailed after the night terrors.

"You don't need to apologize, Nadine." The boy smiled encouragingly this time, "I may not understand what you're going through but I'm always here for you. You can always talk to me without hesitating about anything, alright?"

There were times when Nadine Vogel was awestruck by her friend's limitless gentleness. She couldn't believe that any human could be as kind as Marco Bott was. He had, just like her, recently arrived to Trost District from a small town called Jinae. His father had perished a few years back and his young mother was struggling to meet ends in Jinae. His mother then decided to pack up and move to Trost to find more opportunities.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Marco." The red-haired girl clasped his hand tightly.

"I'm glad you're my friend too."

* * *

"I never thought I'd say this," Nadine kicked a stray pebble off the road, "but it's kinda boring now that school's closed down for a while. I almost miss that hateful place."

Marco laughed loudly as he followed her.

"Says the one who always scored the highest." Luke Abner grumbled as his twin sister, Lydia, snickered next to him.

Nadine and Marco had met the Abner twins in school when Luke had come searching 'some person with a weird name who ranked above me' (who turned out to be Nadine). After a heated discussion on how Luke deserved to score more than Nadine, who was just a newbie, Lydia and Marco ended up acting as mediators whenever the two argued. Over time, their relationship changed from rivals to friendly rivals.

Though Luke was highly competitive when it came to proving his worth, his sister could've cared less. Even though they looked scarily alike with curly, pale blonde hair and grey eyes, their personalities were poles apart. Nadine secretly thanked the Goddesses for this because she knew that she couldn't handle Luke alone, God forbid there were two of him.

"Are you still upset about that, Lu?" Lydia giggled, tugging her brother's sleeve, "Woman up."

"You shut up." He jerked his arm away from his sister and stalked past Nadine and Marco who could only stare after the grumbling blond boy.

"Where are we going anyway?" The red-head asked.

"Just down the fields." Marco replied, "There's a grove of trees by the river."

Nothing more was said and the ten year olds walked in a comfortable silence.

The river was in reality just a man made water canal that flowed through a cluster of trees. The cool shade and the breeze made it an excellent spot to fall asleep, Nadine noted. Luke was the first to kick off his boots and roll up his trousers. He sat by the canal with his feet in the water, shivering first at the slightly cold temperature of the water. His sister was the next to follow, then Marco and then Nadine.

"Why did they close the school, though?" Lydia asked Marco, who always seemed to know everything that happened in the town.

"They're using the classrooms and halls to accommodate the refugees from Wall Maria." The freckled boy consciously looked at Nadine from the corner of his eyes, who had tensed up at the mention of Wall Maria.

"I heard that they're planning to send the refugees to help and retake the Wall." Luke wiggled his toes, gazing at the farmers working in the fields far from them.

"They'll all die." Nadine suddenly said.

"Don't say that!" Marco chided her, frowning.

"It's true." She said, "The Military won't give them the equipment to kill the titans. Even if they do, they won't be properly trained. They might as well as have died in Shinganshina that day rather than try and retake the wall."

"Nadine." Lydia bent forward to take a good look at the red-haired girl, "are you scared of the titans?"

"I'm terrified." She admitted, "And I'd be an idiot not to be. That day, I almost died. If my papa hadn't saved me, I wouldn't be here."

Marco and Lydia gasped at this new information.

"You never told me this!" Marco accused her with wide eyes.

"I was at the docks and there was this-this huge monster that was running towards us. It stepped over people, crushing some and-and then it picked up this woman. It was horrible, Marco." Nadine pulled back her feet towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as tightly as she could, "I froze. I couldn't do anything at all."

"Well, of course you couldn't." Luke said, snidely. "You're just a kid. We all are. We don't have the power to do anything about it."

Lydia elbowed her brother in the ribs and he glared at her as if to say ' _What? It's true!'_

"I don't want to be frightened anymore." Nadine said, more to herself than the others.

"I…" Marco trailed off, wondering whether to continue or not, "I decided to join the Military."

The three jerked their heads towards him, looking as if their friend had gone crazy.

Lydia grabbed Marco's arm, "No! You can't! People die even during the training years. You can't go!"

Marco smiled widely, "I want to join the Military Police," He said, "That way my mother won't need to work at the bar anymore. We can live comfortably in Wall Sina."

"But only the top ten make it to the MP." The blonde girl retorted.

"Then I'll work to stay in the top ten." The way he said it made it sound so simple.

"I'd never join the Military." Luke said, suddenly, "Even if I do, I'd never choose the MP. Corruption runs deep there."

The smile from Marco's face dropped as he turned to stare at the water, "I know. But I'm doing this for my mother. She had to go through difficult times because of me. My father wasn't even there to help her before and after he died, it got worse for her. So, I want to make things better for her. It's just three years. I'll work really hard."

All this while, Nadine had been sitting quietly, engrossed in her own thoughts. She thought of her brother, Ehaan, who would be graduating in a month's time. She was sure that he'd follow their _bua_ , Sabina's footsteps and join the Survey Corps.

She thought of her blond friend from Shinganshina, Armin Arlert. He had always spoken of the world unrestricted by these wretched walls, where the sky was limitless. Most of all, he spoke of the ocean. A large mass of salty water. It was his dream to see the ocean. Armin had mentioned it so many times that soon she and Eren both began to dream about it.

But they were dead now.

Her friends were dead and so was their dream.

That didn't necessarily mean that she couldn't fulfil it for them.

She didn't say anything until the four had decided to part ways at the crossroads near the town centre. She watched as the twins waved her and Marco goodbye and turned, walking away. Marco continued to chat animatedly as Nadine walked beside him in silence.

She suddenly stopped in the middle of the crowded street and it took a few seconds for Marco to realise that she wasn't following him.

"Nadine? What's wro-"

"I'll join the Military with you." She said, "But I'll join the Survey Corps."

The colour drained from the boy's face. He grabbed her shoulders, "No! Not the Survey Corps. Nadine, please. You know it's the most dangerous faction. Your brother and aunt, they're both in the military. Isn't that enough? Did you make this choice because of me? Please, you can't-"

"Marco." Nadine placed her hand over Marco's, which was tightly clutching her shoulder still, "It's not because of you."

"Then why?" He said.

Nadine closed her eyes, and when she opened them, Marco was scared of the person he saw. It was as if he had never met the person standing before him.

"Because I don't want to be afraid anymore."

* * *

 _ **Bua -**_ **Aunt (Technically, it's father's sister. _Mausi_ means mother's sister.)**

 **Enemy of Death : Thank you so much! Nadine is part Asian and speaks Hindi. I'll be using more of the language in the future. Yes, there will be pairings. One is Nadine and Jean whereas the other...I'm not so sure...I'm still deciding whether it should be Erwin or Levi or no pairing at all.**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Follow. Favorite. Review? Please?**


	4. Chapter 4

"Absolutely not!" Saira crossed her arms and stared up at her friend, Hanji who pouted and stared back at black-haired woman.

"Sai-raaah! I need titans for my research. Please!" Hanji whined, practically begging.

"And use my nephew as bait? Really?"

"He'll be safe, I promise. My Moblit will take good care of him and will see to it that your nephew isn't eaten."

Saira sighed and rubbed her temple, "Hanji, I'm not saying this as his aunt but as his squad leader. He's a novice. This is his first expedition. And unless Erwin puts Ehaan under your team, I will not allow anyone to endanger the lives of my squad members."

"So, if Erwin shifts Ehaan Vogel to my squad, he can be the titan bait?" Hanji said, excitedly.

"…Maybe."

"I'll be right back!

The Survey Corps was out on an expedition beyond Wall Rose and they had decided to camp for the night in the ruins of a well-developed town. Due to the tall buildings, it was easier for them to use their gear in case of an attack. Thankfully, there were no losses as of yet because of their new Commander, Erwin Smith's near-brilliant strategy.

Saira sighed irritably, alone in the tent. Deciding to check on her squad, she stepped out into the sun. Her squad had three new members, replacing the ones she had lost in the previous expedition.

Killian spotted his squad leader and jogged to her, "Squad leader, is it our turn to patrol?"

"Not yet, Knight. The party hasn't returned. I was just here to check up on you guys. How are the newbies adjusting?"

The brunet turned his head towards his new team members, a blonde woman and a dark haired man, both pacing up and down the path.

"I'd say relatively well, ma'am, for now. Although Squad Leader Hanji recently dragged off Cadet Vogel."

Saira spewed curses under her breath.

Killian blinked at her and said, hesitantly, "Is…everything okay, ma'am?"

"No," the dark-haired woman snapped, "It's not. Hanji Zoe is hell bent on capturing a titan for her _stupid_ experiments and she's trying to use Ehaan because he was the fastest in his batch and his manoeuvre skills are excellent. I can't believe her."

She turned and stomped off to the Commander's tent, fuming. Shoving the flap aside, she saw Hanji's arms holding her nephew's tall figure out of joy. Erwin was bent over the map, going over the route with Levi and Mike.

"Saira!" Hanji exclaimed, "Erwin said yes!"

"I can see that." The woman tightened her ponytail and walked towards Ehaan, "You. Don't get killed. _Teri maa mujhe maar degi tujhe kuch hua toh._ " (Your mom will kill me if something happened to you.)

Ehaan Vogel, rather than his parents, resembled Saira the most. With green eyes and black hair, they would've looked like siblings if Saira looked a few years younger. He was diligent enough to rank second during his graduation, narrowly missing ranking first due to a few flaws in his technique.

"Hey, now." Hanji grumbled, arms still around Ehaan's midriff, "Say something that we all understand."

"Don't worry." The nephew stated, a little awkward because of the 'crazy woman's' proximity, "I'll be fine."

"When are you leaving?" Saira asked, pushing Hanji off of Ehaan.

"Right now," Hanji said, "As soon as everyone is saddled up, my squad and I will leave."

"Be careful, okay?"

"Sure will. Come on, Vogel. I'll introduce you to the rest of my minions." The two turned and left the tent, with Saira lifting the flap and calling after them.

"Don't do anything reckless, Hanji! Try for a smaller one. Do not jump on a taller class titan, for Pete's sake!"

Her friend just waved in dismissal and dragged her new squad member away. Saira sighed for the umpteenth time and dropped the flap, turning to Erwin. After waiting for a while, he dismissed Mike and Levi, both who walked past the dark-haired woman. Mike ruffled her hair as he exited while Levi glanced at her in passing.

For a few moments, nobody said anything until-

"Glaring at me like that won't change my decision, Saira." Erwin rolled up the maps, his broad back facing the woman.

"I'm imagining you spontaneously combusting."

"That's a pity."

"He has no previous training with Squad Hanji. He doesn't know anything about the team's dynamics. He has _no_ experience with titans. Erwin, _what are you thinking_?" Saira slammed his fists onto the table.

The blond turned to face her and it was then that Saira saw the extreme fatigue on her friend's face. His eyes were sunken and you could tell that his usually perfectly combed hair was unkempt. Her eyes widened a little and she grasped his arm.

"Have you slept at all? Look at yourself. You're-"

"I'm alright," Erwin said, sending her an unconvincing smile, "As to your question, I support Hanji in her quest of capturing a titan. Under the command of Keith Shadis, we weren't able to learn anything new about them. However, I aim to differ from him. Yes, it is on short notice, but I believe Hanji can do it. It is just for today. If they fail today, we shall try again with better planning and resources."

"And what if somebody dies? Would you drop the idea then?"

"Perhaps."

"Per- _Erwin!_ " Saira exclaimed in shock, crossing her arms in front of her.

"What would you have done in my place, Saira?"

His question surprised her, "I don't- I wouldn't have allowed it in th-"

"Would you? Would you pass up on the opportunity of learning something new about our enemies?"

Saira looked away, not wanting to argue any further.

"I saw his reports." Erwin said, "His performance is commendable. It's not often that the top ten choose the Survey Corps."

"We did."

The commander chuckled at this, " _I_ did. Mike did. _You,_ however, followed me."

"Did not!" Saira blushed as Erwin laughed a little more at her reaction. As his laughter died down, Saira realized that she hadn't heard him laugh or seen him smile ever since he had become the commander. Her expression turned sombre.

"Being Commander has already taken its toll on you, Erwin. And it's only been a few months."

Erwin sighed, "78 soldiers died under my command, Saira. Just under two months. On my orders. I have to answer to the families of all those who perished. I am no less of a monster."

Rage engulfed the woman and she grasped his arm with force, "Don't you _dare_ say that. You are a good man, Erwin. I have known you my entire life. And I have _complete_ faith in you because you have the ability to change the course of the legion. We knew what we were giving up on the moment we joined the Survey Corps. So you are not to be blamed for the deaths of the soldiers. Do you understand?"

He was taken aback by the anger that the woman before him displayed. His gaze softened and he nodded, "Yes."

Saira seemed satisfied with his answer as she let go of him and stepped back, "Good. Now then, I have to patrol the surroundings with my squad. If you'll excuse me, Commander." And without waiting for a reply, she stalked out of the tent with Erwin staring after her.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Leave a review, send an IM, whatever floats your boat.**


	5. Chapter 5

The expedition was rather successful, Saira's colleagues had felt. They hadn't caught any titans, much to Hanji's dismay, however, with a death count in single digits, that was the least number of soldiers they had ever lost. It was quite the feat.

However, Saira was busy drinking in her office because it was one of the new members of her squad that had perished. On one hand, she was relieved that her nephew, Ehaan, hadn't died while acting as titan bait. But the new recruit, Penny Thoreau, had been bitten first, and then eaten by a 14 meter Aberrant while on patrol. No one had seen it coming.

Saira leaned her elbows on the table, hunched over, covering her eyes with her palms when she heard a knock on the door.

' _If I don't respond, they'll go away._ ' Saira childishly thought.

The door opened and the newly appointed Captain Levi walked in, with a tray of tea with him. He walked silently towards her and placed the tray on the table and sat down on one of the chairs.

Saira looked up at him, "Thank you, Levi."

He eyed the glass of scotch lying half-filled in front of her, "Didn't know you already had a drink. Wouldn't have bothered to make tea then."

She chuckled drily in response, draining the remaining scotch in the glass, "Fourth member in two months. I doubt my status as Squad Leader now."

"I could speak to Erwin and have you reassigned to my squad."

Levi and Saira had always been civil to each other. Well, as civil as Levi could be. Even when he had been forced to join the Survey Corps, Saira never treated him and his friends any differently than how she treated her colleagues. It didn't mean that she didn't know why exactly he was here. He had accepted the offer to join the Survey Corps to kill Erwin. And because of that she was a little apprehensive at first but soon realised that there was no point in treating her new comrades like filth, like the others did.

After all, she would be entrusting her lives in their hands come the next expedition.

Saira had liked Isabel and Farlan. Isabel had unconsciously reminded her of her then 7 year old niece who shared almost the same personality as well as the hair colour. Farlan had simply charmed his was into Saira's heart. He was calm and diplomatic, though not without the ulterior motive.

She never knew them very well. But she felt sad that they had met with a tragic end during their very first expedition.

Saira witnessed the way Levi tore the Titan in blind rage and honestly, it had frightened her. She was more scared when he had launched himself at Erwin, threatening to kill him.

After they had returned to HQ the next night, she saw Levi sitting all alone in the dining hall after hours. She placed a cup of tea in front of him and sat opposite to him. They sat in silence for a moment, neither moving to reach for their tea cup until Levi broke the silence.

"I hate tea."

 _Liar._

"It's lemon balm." Saira replied.

"That doesn't change what I fucking said."

Saira reached for her pocket, and for a second, she thought saw Levi tense up. She pulled out a small flask of alcohol and placed it on the table, near enough for him to reach.

Levi eyed the little bottle wearily and then shifted his gaze to her. She lifted her tea cup and pointed at him with it, as if to say 'Cheers'.

"What the fuck," Levi grunted and grabbed the bottle, emptying its contents into the teacup. He took a gulp of it and forced himself to swallow.

"It's fucking disgusting."

"That is the point, Levi."

They sat together for countless nights, in the dining hall or in Saira's office, drinking either tea or alcohol or tea mixed with alcohol. Sometimes they talked; sometimes they just sat in silence. Saira used to stare at him when she thought he wasn't looking. She observed that she was barely taller than him, maybe by a centimetre or two. He remained expressionless most of the time. He frowned and scowled and spat curses.

"I'm senior to you. There's no way in hell I'll work under you." Saira rested her forehead on the table surface, "Ugh. I want to see my cute little niece."

Levi crossed his legs and continued to sip his tea quietly.

"Have you chosen the cadets for you squad?" Saira looked up at him.

He looked at her, his steel grey gaze boring into her green eyes, "I have yet to select two more. We got a lot of skilled cadets this time. The Fall of Wall Maria sure did a number on the graduates."

"Yeah, but it's just for a while. By next year, the hype about joining the 'Suicide Corps' will die down." Saira slid her glass on the surface from one hand to another, chin resting on the table. She looked like a moping child.

"Are you done with the letter?" Levi placed his empty teacup back on the tray.

"Yes. I never got the chance to talk to her properly," She replied, "Penny Thoreau...I don't know what kind of a person she was. I had no choice but to use the usual template."

"I see."

"I'll be delivering it to her family, though. It's only right that I do." She sat up, leaning back into her chair, groaning, "I still can't believe I actually followed Erwin and joined the Survey Corps."

Levi looked surprised for a fleeting moment, "Oh?"

"Weird ass kid he was." Saira suddenly felt drowsy as she slurred, "Creepy sometimes. God, you should've seen what a nerd he was. Always reading and running to me and Sebastian, showing us what he had read. I bet Nile wanted to murder him in his sleep sometimes."

Levi raised his eyebrow at the familiar name. He knew that the commander of the MP and Erwin were friends (if one could call it that.) but he didn't know that they had known each other since childhood. He didn't even know that Saira and Erwin had grown up together. He merely assumed that they were trainees from the same batch.

"Nile was a right bastard, though." Saira was definitely drunk now. She felt it. "He always teased me about Erwin, saying that he'd never marry someone like me. Sheesh…I didn't even…look at Erwin like that for a long time." She yawned loudly and Levi heard alarm bells ringing in his head. "I hate Nile. What he did wasn't right."

"You better not fall asleep here, you little-"

Saira mumbled some incoherent words and started to snore softly almost immediately. Levi cursed under his breath and stood up to leave. He paused near the door and turned to look at her sleeping figure. Wordlessly, he walked back to her, picked her up as gently as he could and swiftly made his way to her bedroom.

' _And all this time I thought she wasn't heavy.'_ He thought, placing her on the single bed. ' _Tch. What a filthy room. I'm not covering her with a blanket.'_

He turned and exited her office.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a few weeks after her 12th birthday that Nadine finally built up the courage to tell her parents about her decision to join the Military. She woke up one morning, feeling confident enough to persuade her parents into letting her enlist.

The two years had changed her. She no longer spent hours sitting in silence but became more outspoken. She tried not to be startled at every loud sound and the nightmares never bothered her anymore. Nadine simply accepted them. She had also gotten into fist-fights with a few bullies who had tried to pick on Lydia and Marco.

Speaking of Marco, he had already told his mother a long time ago and even though her mother doubted his abilities, she had agreed. The freckled boy later confided to Nadine that his mother was just glad that she wouldn't need to take care of him for the next three years.

Her mother was getting ready to leave for work when Nadine rushed downstairs. Her father was in the kitchen, trying to fix the clogged washbasin when the redhaired girl blurted out her resolution.

"I want to join the Survey Corps."

Her mother froze, her fingers in the middle of tying the shoelaces of her boots as she sat on the couch. Sebastian hit his head on the bottom of the sink and clutched the aching area.

Nadine laced her fingers together behind her back and stood on her toes, swinging lightly. Fearing their reactions, she looked anywhere but at them.

Her father walked slowly towards her, wiping his hands on his trousers. Bending down to her level, he placed his palm on her head, "Now, what made you come to that decision?"

"I'm afraid of titans." She said, not meeting her father's light brown eyes.

"You know," Her mother finished tying the laces of her boots, "when a person is afraid of something, he tries his best to avoid it." She stood up and faced her husband and daughter.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to have nightmares of you and Papa and Ehaan and _bua_ being eaten ever again. And if I do, I don't want to shiver and cry about it because I'd know that I can protect you."

Her parents exchanged surprised looks and Sebastian retracted his hand. He stood up and kissed his daughter's forehead.

"I never even realized how quickly you grew up."

"Are you sure about this, then? You have made up your mind?" Adeline asked, worry flitting across her face.

Nadine nodded, "Yes. I'm sure."

"Then you must promise me and your father something. And you must do whatever you can to uphold that promise."

The girl looked at her mom curiously.

"You must survive. No matter what, you must fight for your life and live. Your aunt and brother are in the Survey Corps too. Every expedition, your father and I pray that one of them, if not both, comes back alive." Her mother gripped Nadine's shoulders tightly, "Remember, if you lose the fight, you die."

' _I learnt that if you don't fight, you lose. If you lose, you die. If you fight, you win and if you win, you live.'_

Eren Jaeger's words echoed through her brain and she was almost reduced to tears.

"There's one more thing…." She said, looking towards her father, "I want to go beyond the walls and see the ocean."

As soon as she said the word 'ocean', a hiss escaped her father and her mother tightened the grip on her shoulders, causing pain. Hearing her cry out, Adeline let go and said harshly, "Do not say such things in public. Ever. Don't discuss it inside this house, either."

Nadine was taken aback. Her eyes widened in shock for she had never seen her gentle mother speak in such a tone, "B-but…why?"

Her father touched Adeline's arm, "I'll talk to her. Relax." And turning to the child, he said, as kindly as he could, "There are some things that people, the higher ups, don't take kindly. I speak from experience." His expression was doleful, "There is a reason why the government has banned certain books that talk of the outside world, why it is forbidden to speak and spread knowledge that could change the course of mankind. Have care in what you say and to whom you say it to. It is _very_ dangerous if the MP comes to know what you've been talking about."

"Not even to you?" Nadine asked, somehow unafraid of what the MP could do to her.

"Yes, my love," the tender look in her mother's eyes returned, "Not even to us. We're being watched."

And that was the last time for a few years that Nadine spoke to her family about the world beyond the walls.

* * *

"Packed and ready to leave, Freckles?" the red-haired girl asked her best friend as he swung his backpack over his shoulder.

"I'm packed, yes. But, I'm nervous about leaving." He admitted turning towards her as she leaned against the doorframe of his room, her own luggage in her hands.

"Can't back out now." She reminded him and ushered him to out of his room, "Have you said goodbye to Dora yet?"

Marco nodded, "Mom left early in the morning for work. She said goodbye to me while I was still half-asleep. What about you?" The two left the house and Marco locked the front door.

"Mom and dad were about to cry, I think." She replied, watching him slip the key not-so-secretly into the windowsill, " _Bua_ doesn't know that I enlisted yet. Neither does _bhaiyya_."

"What does 'boo-a' and 'b-aiya' mean again?" He scrunched up his face in confusion as they walked down the street that had been their home for the last three years, "I can never get the meanings or their pronunciations correct."

Nadine laughed at this, "You just mix up the meanings. You pronounced _bua_ correctly. It means auntie, by the way. ' _Bhaiyya'_ however, you completely mispronounced and I don't blame you for it." The two of them turned at the corner of the road, heading towards the centre of the town.

"It means 'elder brother'!" Marco snapped his fingers excitedly, "Even though these are the only two words I recognise from your language, I still mess up."

"It's _okay_ , Marco." Nadine ruffled her friend's hair, "Say, weren't Lydia and Luke supposed to meet at the Town Square?"

"Yes. And there they are." He pointed at the near-identical twins standing hand in hand near the fountain which Nadine had never seen working.

Lydia was the first one to spot them. She tugged her brother's hand to catch his attention and pointed towards Nadine and Marco, who were walking towards them.

"Hey, Luke!" Nadine said, "Is this the moment where you confess your undying love for me and try to make me stay?"

The blond boy looked at her blankly while his sister and Marco bore a look which said ' _what the hell Nadine_ '

"We're twelve. A little too young for undying love, don't you think?" Luke flicked the red-haired girl's forehead as harshly as he could.

"You could've just said no, I wouldn't have minded!" Nadine rubbed the red spot in the middle of her forehead, whining in pain. "I know you're excited to see me leave. I'd like to see how you handle not having a rival at school."

"I'm smarter than you and you know it."

"As if!"

"The only thing you're better at is beating up people. Aren't girls supposed to be timid and gentle?"

"Not every girl is like your sister, you little twerp!"

"So, you're finally leaving, huh?" Lydia smiled sadly at Marco, who rubbed the back of his head gingerly. They ignored the arguing duo.

"Y-yeah." He said, "Nadine and I are taking the horsecarts at the end of the town to the Training Corps. It's an overnight journey."

"Here," The blonde handed him a box wrapped in cloth, "I made you two some food. For your journey."

"Oh, hey, thanks, Lyd!" Nadine, who had finally stopped squabbling with Luke, put her arm around Marco's shoulder, "You'd make a good wife for Marco here."

Lydia blushed so hard that her brother thought he'd see blood gushing out of her nose and ears. Marco began to stutter and stammer about how Nadine shouldn't say such things while she snickered in response. Luke smiled at this.

"I wish you guys had stayed."

Silence fell amongst the four as his friends and sister stared at him in shock. Luke _never_ said sentimental things like that. He tended to be selfish, competitive and easily annoyed yet he cared for his friends and family. He never voiced it, though.

"What did you just say?" Nadine arched her brows.

Luke looked away, extremely embarrassed, "I-I said I wish I move up a grade."

"…What you just said isn't even remotely close to what you said before. Idiot. We all heard what you blurted but we couldn't believe it."

"Shut up."

"Anyhoo," Lydia grinned, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "You two take care of yourselves and each other. Write to us. Stay healthy. Stay safe. Don't pick unnecessary fights. I'm talking to you, Nadine."

"Excuse m-"

"Your hair matches your temper and you know it." The blonde fiddled with her fingers, sniffing lightly, "I love you two, okay? And so does Luke."

"Hey! I don't-"

Nadine and Marco exchanged glances and simultaneously flung themselves at the twins, embracing them with all their might. The twins wrapped their arms around them in return and Lydia sobbed.

"We'll meet again soon." Nadine reassured her, "We'll be visiting during our weekends off or whatever."

"You guys take care, too, alright?" Marco said, letting go of the group first, "We're going to miss you." He gently wiped away the tears streaming down Lydia's cheeks.

Nadine nodded vigorously, "I'm going to miss you so, so, _so_ much!"

Luke's grey eyes turned towards the sun, "You guys should get going. Wouldn't want to miss your ride."

Marco and Nadine gave the twins a final smile, said goodbye and parted ways with them. They walked in silence. And when the horse-carts came into view, Nadine gently gripped the sleeve of Marco's shirt.

"Can't back out now, huh."


	7. Chapter 7

The two reached the Military Training Grounds the next day and were immediately sent off to their respective dorms after confirming their identities. Nadine was roomed together with a tall, dark-haired scary looking freckled girl who seemed to have a permanent scowl etched on her face and a brunette who lingered near the kitchens with gleaming eyes. They didn't really interact much in the beginning except for the peppy 'Hi!' that the brunette had sent them when she entered the room.

The room was small, with a bunk bed and a single bed, both placed against the opposite walls. There was a common bathroom for the girls. Apparently, the usual dorms for the female cadets was under renovation so they had to make do with what was provided during their first year.

"Can I take the bottom bunk?" The brunette asked, excitedly as Nadine rummaged through her bag for a shirt to change into.

"Go ahead," She replied, "I'll take the top bunk then. If it's alright with you," She directed the last part to the scaring looking girl who was lying down on the bed, eyes closed and hands folded behind her head. When she received no response, Nadine shrugged at the brunette and placed her bag on the top bunk.

"Always wanted to sleep on a bunkbed!" The brunette squealed, "Oh, I'm Sasha, by the way. Sasha Braus."

"Nice to meet you, Sasha," Nadine smiled, "My name's Nadine Vogel."

"Now that's a name ya don' get ta hear very often." Sasha said, distracted by the view outside the window. She didn't notice that her words were heavily accented. It was very obvious to Nadine, though.

Curiosity got the better of her and she asked, "Where are you from?"

Sasha jerked out of her daze and looked at Nadine sheepishly, "Just this place called Dauper…it's quite far from here." The accent seemed to have completely disappeared.

"Oh, Dauper village is North-West of Trost. I've heard about it. It used to be famous for hunting." Nadine ranted off whatever she had learnt in school, not noticing that Sasha's face had fallen. The red-haired girl grinned optimistically, "I hope we get along well and become friends!"

Sasha visibly brightened at that and nodded. After a thought, she asked, "Do you know where the kitchens are?"

* * *

Nadine stood next to Marco as their Chief Instructor, Keith Shadis, screamed into the terrified soldiers' faces, insulting and frightening them even more. She looked straight ahead, past the buff, blond guy. The sun was blaring over their heads. So lost in thought she was that she almost missed the yell emitted from one of the recruits.

"Armin Arlert, sir! I'm from Shinganshina, sir!"

Goosebumps rose on her arms, with her eyes wide, as she heard the name and relief flooded through her body. Nadine resisted with all her might the feeling of turning back to look at the owner of the voice. With a shiver running down her back, she thought she'd burst out crying.

' _He's alive!_ '

Why was he here? He never wanted to join the Military before.

"Nadi-"

"Shh!" The red-haired girl harshly shushed her friend who too had recognised the name. Shadis was one row away from them, making a girl yell about her being from pig-shit city.

Marco seemed to understand his mistake and stood straighter.

The boy next to him, Nadine had noticed him the moment they had filed in early morning, threw them a glance. He was a little shorter than Marco yet taller than her and had light brown hair with atypical undercut that most of the Trost boys sported. She wanted to lean forward to get a good look at him but decided not to when Shadis approached the boy.

"Who the hell are you?!" Shadis screamed at him, looking scarier than ever.

The boy gulped nervously before smiling widely, "I'm Jean Kirstein, sir! I'm from Trost, sir!"

 _So that's his name._

"Why are you here?"

Jean looked a little surprised at that question and answered, "To join the Military Police and live in the Interior…sir."

Nadine scoffed on the inside, ' _Aiming high already, huh._ '

"Is that so? You want to live in the Interior?"

"Yessir!" the brown haired boy exclaimed.

Almost everyone's eyes were on Shadis and Kirstein when the former slammed his bald head onto the boy's nose. Jean fell to his knees, clutching his nose as the instructor yelled.

"The fuck are you doing down there? You think you want to join the MP when you can't even handle _that_?"

He moved onto Marco, who had an ever present smile, "And who the hell are you? Why are you here?"

The freckled boy looked terrified, yet managed to keep the smile on his face as he answered, "I'm Marco Bott, sir! I'm from the southern Wall Rose town of Jinae, sir! I came here to join the Military Police and offer my body to the king!"

Nadine almost face-palmed at the way Marco worded his intentions, ' _It sounds like you want to sell yourself to the king as a prostitute, Marco!_ '

"Oh?" Shadis leaned back, looking menacing, "What a patriot." Nadine's eyes hardened at his words, "You got the right idea here. But, you know," The instructor leaned very close to Marco's face and hissed, "The King doesn't need a talking stack of shit."

The intensity of Nadine's glare increased so much that the blond boy who stood facing her looked taken aback.

Thinking that she was next, the red-haired girl stiffened up her back. But Shadis just walked past her, the next row, now verbally beating up a boy named Connie Springer. Poor Connie had used the wrong arm to salute and was being lifted up by Shadis, who had grabbed both sides of his head. Like a melon.

Marco sighed heavily in relief, glad that he wasn't subjected to such methods and when she tilted her head slightly to look at him, Nadine's gaze fell on Jean Kirstein. He was now standing up with a red nose, grumbling to himself. As if he knew she was staring, his eyes met hers. Immediately, Nadine looked away. Still feeling his eyes on her, she tried to focus her ears on their devil of an instructor who had suddenly gone quiet.

The ones who stood facing her row had a horrified expression and they stared at Nadine's right. Intrigued by their looks, Nadine and Marco twisted back to see Shadis staring at Sasha Braus who was-

 _She's eating a potato?_ Nadine thought, incredulously.

Silently, Shadis stalked towards her, "Hey, you little shit. What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Sasha obviously didn't know that he was talking to her so she started look sideways to see who he was addressing.

"Oh my god, she's dead." Nadine whispered to Marco.

When the brunette continued to eat the potato, Shadis lost his cool and howled, "I'm motherfucking talking to you! Who the fuck do you think you are!?"

Nadine's roommate chewed the vegetable and swallowed visibly, before saluting with her right hand which held the potato, "Sasha Braus, sir. I'm from the southern Wall Rose village of Dauper, sir!"

"Sasha Braus." Shadis said, menacingly, "What is that in your right hand?"

Sasha told him that it was a boiled potato and that she had took (stolen, actually) from the kitchen because it looked delicious. On being asked why she was eating it here, she said that potatoes tasted best when hot.

"She's definitely dead." Marco whispered back to Nadine.

"You'd be too, if you keep whispering." Kirstein interrupted them. Marco looked at him apologetically while Nadine stuck out her tongue at the ash-haired boy childishly. He raised his brow at her actions and turned back to look at Braus who was now offering half (it looked like a quarter, really) of her potato to Shadis.

The instructor did end up accepting the potato but also made Sasha run around the training grounds until sundown. Or till near death, as he had said. He dismissed everyone else after completing his quest of intimidating the cadets.

The crowd of cadets was in a hurry to get away from the heat so they all quickly ran towards their living quarters. Only, Nadine and a few others were stopped by one of the officials.

"You're Vogel?" He asked her, sizing her appearance.

"Yes sir."

"You and some more cadets are on lunch and dinner duty. Don't worry, it's just for today. Someone else will take your place tomorrow." The official said, seeing the panicked look on Nadine's face, "Report to the kitchen area right away."

Nadine saluted him and jogged to Marco, who was waiting for her at a distance. Next to him stood Jean, with his head turned away from her.

"What was that all about?" Marco asked her.

"Lunch and dinner duty. Can't sit with you today, Freckles." The girl shielded her eyes from the sun, "You seem to have company already, though." She nodded at Jean.

"Oh, I forgot to mention that the two of us are roommates along with a couple of others. Hey, Jean!" Marco placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, catching his attention, "This is Nadine Vogel. My best friend from Trost."

Jean frowned, "Didn't you say you're from Jinae?"

"He shifted from Jinae with his mom as I did, from Shinganshina." Nadine told him and smiled, "It's nice to meet you, Jean."

Jean stared at Nadine's red hair which seemed to shine bright under the sun, "Tomato." He said, thoughtfully.

"It's not nice to meet you, Jean."


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn't until the end of dinnertime that Nadine finished her chores. With only twenty minutes of break in between, she was dead on her feet by the time she and the others had finished their dinner in the kitchen. Rotating her shoulder, she walked out of the kitchen, went through the dining area, to the porch. There she found Jean wiping his hand on the back of Connie Springer.

At a distance, she spied a blond walking away followed by a brunet and a dark haired girl. Excitement rushed through her and her heart beat wildly against her ribcage.

Harshly pushing Jean aside (and ignoring his yells), she ran after them.

"Armin!" She screamed, "Armin Arlert!"

The blond got startled and whipped around as did his friends. Nadine stopped in front of them, huffing and puffing. Trying to catch her breath, she realised that Eren Yeager stood there too. Armin's eyes widened in recognition.

"You-!"

"Who're you?" The brunet asked, raising his brow as the girl next to him observed in silence.

"That's not very nice, Bugsy." Nadine replied, crossing her arms when suddenly Armin rushed to wrap his arms around her.

"I thought I'd never see you again." He cried.

"I thought _I'd_ never see _you two_ again." She embraced him back, tears threatening to escape her eyes.

"Bugs- No way! Is that you, Nadine?" Eren exclaimed as Nadine and Armin let go of each other.

The red-haired girl began to rub her eyes furiously, "I came to see- to see you two that day. And-and I was almost through the-the flea market when the Colossal Titan-"

"What?" The brunet looked taken aback, "Why did you-"

"I hadn't seen you in a year. You don't- _I thought you both were dead._ " She sobbed, wiping her face with the sleeve of her green tunic, "And then- and then I saw that woman being torn in two and I almost died. But-but I so glad you're alive."

Armin clung to her arm as Eren patted her hair, both not knowing what to say.

"Eren," the dark haired girl, who had been very quiet up until now, tugged on his wrist, "Who is she?"

' _She's so pretty!'_ Nadine thought, suddenly embarrassed by her antics, her face and her hair.

"Mikasa, this is Nadine Vogel," Eren introduced, "She was our very good friend before you came to stay with me. Ina, this is Mikasa Ackerman, my adopted sister."

"Oh my God, will you _ever_ stop calling me 'Ina'?"

"Will you stop calling me 'Bugsy'?"

"…No."

"There you go then."

"Hello." Mikasa nodded towards the red-haired girl, who was still trying to get a grip on her emotions.

"Hi there, Mikasa. I wish we could've met under better circumstances when I'm not looking like a swollen tomato." She tried to chuckle, out of nervousness, "Speaking of sister, where're your parents, Eren? And your gramps, Armin?"

The blond looked extremely put off while an all too familiar rage filled Eren's eyes. He clenched his fists before speaking.

"My mother died that day. Mikasa and I…we saw my mom being killed."

Nadine gasped, "No! Carla's go- but how?"

"That fucking titan, the Colossal one." Eren spat, "The rock landed on my house. And I could do _nothing_ to save her."

Nadine clasped Eren's hand, not noticing the slight frown on Mikasa's face, "Eren, I'm so sorry. I don't- I don't know what to say."

From what she could remember, Carla Yeager had been a kind and beautiful lady with a quick temper. That was where Eren had inherited his anger from, Nadine had always assumed.

Eren looked away before saying, "Armin's grandfather took care of us for a few months until he was called to help and reclaim Wall Maria."

"He never returned from the culling, then." She summarised, letting go of him, "I-I should've never left. I should've been there with the three of you."

"Three?" Armin looked a little surprised.

"You three, yes. Mikasa is Eren's family as well as yours. That makes her my family now, as well." She explained as if it were the simplest thing in the world. And maybe, for her, it was.

The other girl was taken aback, but she smiled at her gratefully.

"What are you doing here, though?" Eren asked.

"Hunting horses."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

"I want to join the Survey Corps."

Now it was Eren's turn to look surprised, "What the fuck? Not that I don't support it, but…why?"

"The kind of fear I felt when I saw that titan, Eren…" She looked back to the dining hut where Jean and Marco were standing and talking, Marco glancing at her now and then, "I never want to feel that way ever again. And…it was also because of you, Armin."

"M-me?" The blond asked, tilting his head a little in confusion.

"You told me and Eren about your dream a long time ago, remember?" She ruffled the blond's hair, "It became Eren's dream and then mine too. If we-no, _when we_ go out of these walls, I want to stand next to you to watch that dream become reality." Nadine smiled.

Armin's and Eren's eyes widened a little.

"Are you… sure? About your decision?" the blond asked.

"If I wasn't, I never would've joined the Training Corps."

"Didn't your brother graduate a few years ago?" Eren asked.

"Oh, yeah," Nadine felt a sudden surge of exhaustion spreading through her body, "He joined the Survey Corps too, along with my aunt. The last letter he sent, he said that he had been transferred from her squad to another."

"I see…"

Nadine clapped both the boys on the shoulder, "You know what, we should get to back to our dorms. We have a long day tomorrow. And I'm gonna collapse any moment now."

The three nodded and walked together towards the barracks, catching up with each other. The girls parted ways with the boys and headed towards their sleeping quarters.

"Mikasa?" Nadine suddenly said.

The girl in question hummed in response.

"Why did Eren's family adopt you?" She asked, out of curiosity.

Mikasa didn't reply. Instead, she pulled at the very familiar looking red scarf that was wrapped around her neck.

Sensing her unease, Nadine smiled, "I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I'm sometimes too nosy for my own good. Please forget I said anything. However…" She nodded at the scarf, "That is Eren's scarf right? You must mean a great deal to him for him to give it to you."

Mikasa looked at her in confusion.

Nadine beamed, "That's the scarf that Carla knitted for him when he fell sick. He used to cling to it as if it was his lifeline. Wouldn't let Armin or I borrow it or even touch it." Chuckling, the girl continued, "I'm…" She looked at the night sky as they kept on walking, "Somehow…even after all the terrible things that happened, after all the bad things you went through…I'm glad he has you."

The dark haired girl stopped suddenly and Nadine turned to look at her, quizzically.

"This may sound sudden," The Oriental said, "however…Out there, outside the walls…I'll protect you."

Nadine furrowed her brows and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards, "And why is that?"

"You said it yourself, didn't you? You are as precious to Eren and Armin as they are to you. You are family."

A warm feeling bubbled up inside the red-haired girl's chest. Though she had a mother, a father, an aunt and a brother to call family, being accepted by Mikasa made her infinitely happy.

"In that case, Mikasa Ackerman," Her features softened, "I'll protect you too."

* * *

 **Ina is pronounced as "Ee-na"**

 **I really appreciate all the reviews! Thank you all for reading ^-^**


	9. Chapter 9

The very next day, the cadets had an aptitude test. It was simple balancing off the ground using the harness.

People like Sasha, Marco and Nadine didn't have much problem. They got the hang of it in one go. Jean and Connie had to put up a struggle with the equipment but could manage to stay upright for a minute. Mikasa had a natural talent for it, the instructor observed, as she dangled above the ground with grace. Even Armin had managed a minute. Eren Yeager, however-

"What the _fuck_ are you doing, Eren Yeager?" Shadis screeched, bending to Eren's level as he toppled over, hanging upside down, "Get yourself upright! NOW!"

Eren looked at everyone, terrified, unable to comprehend where he went wrong. Some from the crowd watching him laughed openly, making fun of him.

Nadine rushed towards him as he tried again, "Eren, it's all about balance! Maintain your posture. Keep your back…stra- Oh my God, are you alright?"

Over and over again, the boy kept falling over and the jeering crowd increased.

"Leave him be, Tomato. He got what he deserved." Jean stood next to her, "Didn't think he'd be weeded out so easily after his little, bitchy outburst yesterday."

The girl frowned, eyebrow twitching at the nickname he gave her, "Outburst?"

"He ranted about how he wants to join the Survey Corps and kill all the titans." He scoffed, "What a load of crap. Only retards would join the Suicide Corps. I don't understand why Mikasa is around someone like him."

Nadine's frown deepened at Jean's words. She opened her mouth to protest when Marco spoke up from behind them.

"That's not very nice, Jean." He stood with them, with Nadine in the middle and the boys on either side of her.

"Hey, I'm being honest."

Nadine looked at the Jean, "Unnecessarily honest, if you ask me."

"I'm not asking you." He looked back at her.

"Git."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Speak up, Tomato!"

Marco broke them up, "Let's just head back. We're done with today, right? Did you run laps, Nadine?"

"She finished first," Jean said, before the girl could reply, "How can anyone run that fast and not break a sweat?"

Nadine shrugged, "I don't know. I just enjoy running. I'm heading back to the barracks. Are you two staying?"

"No. I'll come with." Marco smiled, as the Shadis screamed at Eren to undo his belt and run laps, "I'm gonna wash up before dinner. Jean?"

"As fun as it has been, watching Yeager fall on his face, I'll come too."

* * *

"Sasha, did you steal the apple from the kitchens?" Nadine asked her roommate, who was munching on the fruit, sitting cross-legged on the bottom bunk.

"I didn't s-"

"Don't bother," The freckled girl, her other roommate, whose name Nadine still didn't know, said, while lying on her back on the bed, "She'll say that she _borrowed_ it. Because she liked its colour. And its smell. I swear she's an animal."

"So cold, Ymir."

Nadine presumed that the freckled girl's name was Ymir. She suddenly strongly felt that she had heard the name somewhere. However, she brushed it aside, removed her jacket and folded it, placing it on her bunk before sitting next to Sasha, who had finished off the apple, "Couldn't you wait until dinner?"

"Was hungry." The brunette replied.

"Are you two going to the showers before dinner, then?"

"I'm waiting for Krista." Ymir sat up, "Who're you, again?"

Nadine chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head, "I'm…Nadine. Vogel. You're…roommate?"

"Carrottop." She snorted, gesturing at her hair, and Nadine felt herself growing embarrassed.

She quickly excused herself and made a beeline to the showers. She freshened up and wore her purple tunic and black leggings which reached her mid-calf. At the same time, Mikasa exited the shower, all dressed.

"Nice look!" Nadine said, referring to the Mikasa's haircut.

She smiled, "Eren said it would get in that way. So I cut it off last night."

"Dinner?"

Mikasa nodded and the two made their way to the dining hall, talking.

"It's a relief that I'm not on kitchen duty. I only got to eat the leftovers last night." Nadine sighed, "Hopefully, it's not stew today." They entered the dining hall.

"It _is_ stew today." Mikasa pointed out, observing everyone, "And bread."

Nadine groaned as they got their food. She spotted Marco and told Mikasa that she'd be sitting with him. The girl nodded in response and walked towards Eren and Armin. Eren had a bandage wrapped around his head which appeared to be-

 _Is that steam?_ Nadine blinked twice to see clearly, _No…I must've been mistaken._

"Did you write to Dora?" The red-haired girl asked as she plopped down next to Jean, facing Marco, who shook his head in response.

"I'll do it tonight. What about you?"

"Mom's probably in Stohess for her doctor stuff. Dad is in Karanese, checking up on the Garrison. No point in writing a letter."

"Your mom works in the Interior?" Jean asked, bewildered.

"Not really. She's a doctor. Goes wherever work takes her….I think. Though usually it's the Interior." Nadine ate a spoon of stew and struggled to swallow it, "Bleh, this is _really_ bland."

Marco frowned, "What are you talking about? The stew tastes fine."

"No, it doesn't. It doesn't have any salt."

"It does!"

" _No._ You can barely taste it."

"Nadine's right." Jean said, tasting his own food, "There's less salt in it. But I guess it is to be expected. Salt _is_ an expensive ingredient."

This time, Nadine frowned, "I forgot that it was _that_ expensive."

"Privileged brat." Jean snorted and she elbowed him in the ribs.

"What is the schedule for tomorrow?" Marco asked, finishing his stew.

"Hmm…it's a repeat of the aptitude test. For those who failed today. Then, we'll be having arms and legs strengthening exercises and then running laps while carrying weights." Nadine listed off the activities one by one.

Jean groaned, "That's one exhausting timetable. Wonder when they'll start teaching us how to use the gear."

"That'll be after the first six months." She replied, "We need to be extremely fit to use the 3DMG so the exercises are really very important. We'll have lessons in Politics, History and Theory of Titans."

"How do you know all that?"

"Your aunt must've told you, right?" Marco asked, chewing his bread.

"Her and Ehaan. Ehaan _bhaiyya_ used to show me his bruises sometimes when he came home on one or two weekends. We'll be taught sparring too." Nadine gave up her stew and began to eat her bread, "Oh god, the bread tastes weird too."

"Bh-what?" Jean furrowed his eyebrows.

"Elder brother." Marco grinned, "Her aunt and elder brother are in the Survey Corps."

"Privileged _military_ brat, then."

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"Like I care, Vogel."

"Marco, tell your _friend_ to shut his trap."

"Grow the hell up."

The bell rang, signalling the end of dinnertime. Marco got up and gathered his plate and mug, "Come on. You two can bicker later."

The two stood and followed him. Nadine shoved Jean aside to walk next to Marco.

"He makes Luke look like a toddler."

"He's not that bad, Nadine." Marco chuckled.

"Hey, who's Luke now?"

* * *

Nadine was exhausted the next day. She had slept fitfully because of the dreams that had tormented her mind. She dreamt of the Colossal Titan breaking the Wall which then changed to a blonde titan running across the open fields. She saw Jean carrying a corpse through a ruined street. The scene morphed into Sasha aiming at something with a bow and arrow.

She woke with a start, breathing heavily and sweat dripping down the back of her neck. Pushing back her hair, which was sticking to her wet forehead, Nadine got off the bunk bed, trying not to wake Sasha or Ymir. Quietly slipping out of their room, she ambled to the showers, washed up and dressed into her uniform. The sun was already visible on the horizon and the skies were turning a shade of pink.

By the time Nadine had slowly finished her breakfast, cadets had started filing in. She sat in a corner of the dining area, trying to rub the sleepiness away from her eyes.

"Couldn't sleep?" It was the blond, buff guy who had stood opposite to Nadine during the first day who came and sat at her table, facing her.

"No…Nightmares…" The red-haired girl mumbled. Looking up at him while frowning, she said, "I'm sorry…I don't know your name."

"Reiner." He introduced himself, "My name's Reiner Braun. That one next to you is Bertolt Hoover."

"Next to…me?" She turned to see a _really_ tall boy sitting beside her. Nadine yelped in surprise, "When did you get here?"

Bertolt looked a little surprised, "I've been sitting here since you've finished eating…You-you didn't notice?"

"I…didn't, actually. Sorry. I'm Nadine Vogel…" Nadine stifled a yawn, "This is the first time in a long while that I have had weird dreams."

"What kind of dreams?" Reiner asked, curiously, "If you don't mind telling me."

She sighed heavily, "I just remember bits of it. And then I woke up terrified."

"That sounds bad," The boy next to her frowned. He blushed when Nadine gave him a small smile while nodding.

The three chatted for a while before reporting to Shadis.

"Eren better do well today." Reiner said as they watched the Chief Instructor yell at some of the cadets, including Eren, to attempt the balancing exercise again, "We stayed up late trying to teach him."

"I'm sure he'll be fine this time," Nadine smiled at him.

"Eren Yeager!" Keith Shadis yelled at the brunet, "Are you prepared?"

"Yes sir!" Eren had a determined look on his face. He was sweating already.

"Begin." The instructor said, scrutinizing the teenage boy with his sunken eyes.

As Thomas Wagner began to turn the lever, Nadine noted that Mikasa and Armin were standing next to Bertolt, anticipating a positive result. Eren slowly got off the ground and had successfully managed to dangle for about seven seconds with his arms stretched at his side. The huge crowd that had gathered to watch cheered loudly until Eren fell backwards.

"Oh no!" Bertolt exclaimed.

Nadine held her breath as Reiner, Mikasa and Armin stood there is shock.

There was a collective gasp and Eren cried out, "I can still do it! I can-"

"Let him down." Shadis calmly said, still staring at the boy.

Eren fell to his knees as the harness lowered. He looked close to tears until the instructor ordered Thomas to exchange belts with him. This time, Eren was triumphant. Though he had to struggle a little, the boy was able to balance himself.

Shadis held Eren's belt in his hands, "Your equipment was defective. The fittings on your belt were damaged. I didn't even know that could happen but I suppose I need to add them to the maintenance list."

"D-does that mean.." Someone from the crowd stuttered, "He held himself upright…with _broken_ equipment?"

"Amazing!" Someone else whispered in awe.

After declaring that Eren had passed the aptitude assessment, the brunet looked at his friends while grinning ear to ear, mumbling under his breath. His friends, on the other hand, stared at him with their mouths slightly open.

"Phew," Reiner smirked, "He pulled through."

"I…think he's saying 'see that?'" Armin turned to Mikasa.

"No, he's not." Mikasa quietly said and the four of them turned towards her.

"Huh?"

"He's thinking that he won't have to be separated from me. He's feeling relieved." The girl clarified in a serious tone.

Nadine chuckled awkwardly as the boys stared at Mikasa in disbelief, "I'm not sure that's exactly what he means, Mikasa."


	10. Chapter 10

The very first expedition of the year 847 was a disaster.

Rain came down in torrents as the Survey Corps rode deeper into the titan territory. With the deluge blinding their vision, Mike and Saira's squad were separated from the left flank. They accidently rode towards a horde of titans and after escaping with nearly half of them wiped out, Mike led them towards the point where they were supposed to meet with the front flank.

They were, instead, met with carnage.

The left flank had been obliterated. The few soldiers that left were fleeing on their horses as fast as they could. The rain had slowed down enough to not hinder their vision. Some titans were chewing onto the remains of the near dead soldiers while the others chased down the ones running away.

Mike unsheathed his swords, "I'll handle this."

"No!" Saira rode next to him, "You lead them all to Erwin and the others. Save whoever you can. Leave this to me. I'll distract them."

"But Saira-"

"Go! Now!" She rode away from them, towards seven titans who were between 5 to 16 meter class, "Ride hard." She called towards Mike, "I'll meet you afterwards." _If I survive_.

To be brutally honest, Saira didn't think that she could handle all of them on her own. Though not inexperienced or unskilled, she remained doubtful of herself. It was her quick thinking and her adeptness with blades that had helped her survive this long. Yet, her self-confidence was relatively low.

Unsheathing her swords, she first attacked the largest one, who was slowly walking after the fleeing horses. Saira cut off its limbs and then proceeded to slice its nape. As fast as she could, she continued to take down three more titans, all of them towering over her at 13 meters. Distracted, the woman failed to notice the presence of an Aberrant in the horde.

The Aberrant was 10 meters with bent limbs, its legs pointing inwards. It was hunched over someone who had fallen backwards on the ground, staring at him intently. The titan made no movement. The person, who Saira recognised to be Gelgar, didn't move either. He looked at the humanoid, wide-eyed, as he leaned against the trunk of a tree.

The grappling hook from Saira's gear embedded itself into the flesh on the titan's back and the woman flew towards it. The titan straightened up the moment she landed on its shoulder. It was then that she realised that Saira had made a novice mistake.

The titan screeched and flailed its arms, trying to swat or grab the woman, who had dug her swords on the titan's nape.

"Gelgar! Call for a horse. Run!" She screamed and the man hastily stood up, whistling as loud as he could.

His gear was broken, she saw from the corner of her eyes and the titan had now begun to jump. She cut off its fingers, narrowly avoiding being squashed. Seeing that Gelgar was at a safe distance, she turned to the two small titans, who were reaching for her.

' _Now what? What do I do? Think!'_

Cutting off the nape, or so she thought, of the Aberrant, she jumped off of it and skidded to a halt in the mud. The two titans began to swipe their palms at her. Saira expertly dodged them, using her blades when necessary. Until something flung her towards the trees.

Excruciating pain flooded her body and she could only thank the Gods that she hadn't hit the tree skull first. Saira was sure that she had broken multiple ribs, but she couldn't give up now. Remembering that Gelgar was still on his feet, without proper functioning gear, Saira staggered up. Gripping her swords tight, she saw that the Aberrant she had supposedly killed was now running towards her.

She shot the hooks on her gear upwards, embedding them on one of the branches and flew towards it, landing just moments before the titan reached for her. Hissing in pain, Saira gritted her teeth while assessing the situation. The woman reached to touch her nose only to realize that it was broken too.

Saira cursed as she shot forward towards the smaller titans. She skilfully navigated herself towards its nape and sliced it off.

' _Two to go'_ She thought as she landed back on the branch. Gelgar was now riding towards her, holding the reins of her horse.

The blood from her broken nose was getting in the way and she was hurting all over. She somehow managed to kill off the 8 meter class, leaving the Aberrant flailing and banging its fists on the tree trunk.

"Squad leader Saira!" Gelgar called out, "Is anyone else left?"

Hearing the noise, the Abnormal froze and turned towards him slowly. Seizing the opportunity, Saira leapt onto its back again, hacking off its nape but not before it had swung its fist backwards, slamming it into Saira's already broken ribcage.

The dark haired woman fell to the ground, coughing up blood. The carcasses had almost decomposed and the steam was steadily rising.

"Squad leader!" She heard the clopping of hooves stop next to her and felt being lifted carefully onto the horse.

"No one else is left behind." She managed to speak, gasping for air.

"Ju-just hold on, okay." Gelgar said in a panicked tone, "Hold on, the rendezvous point isn't much further."

The next few minutes, which felt like hours to Saira, were agonizing. She could barely keep her eyes open because of the blinding pain. If it weren't for Gelgar gripping her cloak and jerking her awake from time to time, she would've fainted the moment she got onto the horse.

Before losing consciousness entirely, she could hear the neighing of the horses and the clanking of metal in a distance. The rain had completely stopped by now.

"Medic! We need a medic!" The brunet holding her yelled.

Saira could perceive her squad member Killian's and Mike's voice, and figured that one of them was carrying her. The blood pouring from her nose and mouth made it difficult for her to breath.

She blacked out shortly after.

Saira was in agony when she woke up next. Something hindered her breathing and she felt as if somebody was sitting on her chest. She blinked her eyes open to see the murky ceiling of the Med Bay. There was a window somewhere in the room, she thought, as she felt a cool breeze on her face. There was no light except for the burning of a few lamps.

Her shoulder length hair was open, sprawled over the sorry excuse of a pillow which made her neck hurt. Saira groaned in pain, trying to ignore the jabs of torture that hit her with every breath she took.

"Don't try to sit up."

The woman turned her head sideways to see Erwin sitting beside her, looking surprisingly immaculate. He rested his fists on top of his knees as he looked at her.

"My…squad…" Saira manages to croak before coughing. Each cough makes her regret opening her mouth.

"With the exception of Killian Knight, I regret to inform you that your entire squad perished." The commander kept his steady gaze on her, with hints of remorse in his voice.

Saira let out a dry chuckle, covering her eyes with her forearm, "Always so stoic and cold, Commander." When she received no response, she asked, "Were you…able to retrieve their bodies?"

"We cremated whatever we could salvage."

 _Cremated._

 _How long was she out?_

"You were unconscious for four days." It was as if Erwin had read her mind, "The families of your squad have already been-"

"Forgive me, Commander, but that wasn't your job." Saira spat, sharply. The ache in her chest hurt her more than any of her physical injuries did at the moment. She wanted to rip her heart out to stop the pain.

 _Her squad was gone. Two years. Two long years they had fought together and now they were dead._

Erwin sighed, knowing that it was important for the woman to visit the family of the deceased personally. From the moment she had been appointed squad leader, Saira had felt that her team and their lives was her responsibility. And rightfully so.

"Why didn't you let Mike handle them?" The blond asked, ignoring the fact that his friend refused to look at him, hiding her face behind her arms.

"You know why, Erwin."

"He could've-"

"His olfactory senses could've led the survivors straight to camp, avoiding the titans to the best." Saira clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms. It was hurting all over. "In fact, I'm sure he was able to lead everyone back safely. He's stronger than me, yes, but at that moment his life was more important than mine."

"You could've died."

"But I didn't."

"Your injuries were fatal, Saira."

At this, she turned her head to look at him again and Erwin saw her trying to fight back tears, "Don't talk as if you-"

"Yes, I was worried." Erwin frowned at her, "I could've lost you too."

Saira clicked her tongue, "That's not something you'd actually ever say." Be as it may, she couldn't help but feel touched by his words.

He chuckled, "I believe the amount of blood on you when you arrived threw me off a little." Erwin stood up, "I'll leave you alone then. It's a little past midnight, if you are wondering." His hand hovered over hers, unsure whether or not to touch her.

"Why are you still up then?" Saira grabbed his hand, clutching it as firmly as her injuries would allow before letting go.

"I'm sure you know that there's no rest for the wicked." He still looked worn out, she observed in the dim light.

"I really wish you would stop saying things like that."

"Goodnight, Saira."

And with that, the Commander left her alone as she mulled over everything that had happened. It was then that it hit her, while watching the retreating back of her childhood friend, that her precious team members, her extended family, were gone forever.

Saira wept quietly, listening to the dulling sound of the footsteps and she wept still, long after the tapping of the boots had disappeared until sleep consumed her.

* * *

 **Hi everyone!**

 **Thank you for reading ^-^ I appreciate all the reviews that I have received.**

 **Please let me know what you think of this fic.**

 **Cheers!**


	11. Chapter 11

' _itallics_ ' - Hindi

* * *

It was really irritating for Saira to not be able to move around much for a month. She wasn't allowed to leave the Med Bay for the first two weeks. Luckily, she had always been a fast healer and shifted back to her quarters three days before time.

Erwin had ordered her to sit out the next expedition and after an intervention from Mike, Ehaan and Killian, Saira grudgingly accepted. She just couldn't not do anything. The pain of losing her squad was still fresh in her mind and she wanted to drown herself in her work.

"If you want to work," Erwin had said, "then you can take care of some of the paperwork that I had to sort out. A desk job would suit you since you are not fit to be on the field yet."

No strenuous exercise for the next one month, she was told. That meant that she couldn't train every morning, or even run laps. So, she stood near the stables, waving goodbye to her comrades at they left for the world beyond the walls. Quietly, she prayed that they returned with their hearts still beating.

Ehaan had grinned at her before riding ahead to speak with his squad leader, Hanji. Saira sighed in relief that Hanji wasn't allowed to attempt capturing a titan. She watched until the last wagon had disappeared and slowly made her way to her office.

Grumbling to herself, Saira settled on the mountain of paperwork that Erwin had handed her in his absence. She had to compare skills of this month's recruits and then sort them accordingly into various squads. She also had to take care of the finances and resources, rationing of food and supplies.

"Trained my ass off for three torturous years, joined the Scouts, killed titans and ultimately wound up doing Erwin-I'm-So-Smart-Smith's paperwork." The woman mumbled under her breath, sorting one Oluo Bozado under Levi's squad as recommendation.

It took her two days to finish half of the work. She was bored out of her mind and on the fifth day, after she had finished the last of her work with vengeance in mind, she realized that it was time for the soldiers to return.

The sun had almost set when they returned, holding torches high. Erwin led them, followed by Mike, Levi and Nanaba. Saira was in civilian clothes, as there was no point in wearing her uniform. She tugged her cardigan closer as the Commander climbed off the horse and made his way towards her.

She saluted him and he waved his hand as if to say 'that isn't necessary right now'.

"Erw-" Saira stopped and corrected herself, "Commander, how was the expedition?"

The blond man's eyes followed the stable boys, who had rushed to take the reins from the injured/tired soldiers and led the horses to the stables.

"Compared to the previous one…" His baritone voice soothed her nerves, "We had fewer deaths. Most of the injured are with the medics stationed in Trost. We were able to make it a little further towards Wall Maria."

Levi quietly walked past them and Saira noticed blood on his sleeve.

"He lost one of his squad members." Erwin explained and then placed his hand on the woman's shoulder, "How are you?"

"Fine. I can move around now. Breathing's better. Back hurts sometimes, but it'll heal. I can start training soon."

"That'll be for the doctor to decide. But I'm glad." Erwin bent his head a little, his blue eyes looked dark, "If you'll excuse me, I need to file the reports-" He took long strides, as if he wanted to get away from everyone.

"Are you alright?"

Her question made Erwin freeze, his back to her and he responded without missing a beat, "Of course."

"Erwin!" Saira called as he took another step.

This time, he looked over his shoulder.

"Welcome home." She smiled at him, relief bubbling up in her heart.

The corner of Erwin's mouth twitched and nodded, "Goodnight, Saira."

Saira refrained from saying anything more, watching him walk away. Sighing, she thought about how this had become somewhat of a routine. Him, walking away and she, watching him go.

" _Bua_!" Ehaan's voice rang in her ears and Saira turned, smiling at her nephew.

He had a few scratches here and there but overall was unharmed. The woman hurried over to the tall boy, who promptly embraced her.

"All okay?" She patted his forearm and pulled back.

Ehaan lifted his shoulders, "Yeah, I'm good. Lost one of my batch mates. I didn't really know him…but I…well..." He trailed off with a dry chuckle.

"I'm sorry…" Saira frowned, not knowing what to say.

She was terrible at comforting people. Death had always left her tongue tied. In the past, Saira had managed to unknowingly say the wrong things to those who had approached her for help. Over time, her colleagues realized that she was better at expressing her remorse through actions rather than words.

"How are you?" Ehaan's green eyes, a shade darker than hers, narrowed, "Are you supposed to be walking around like this?"

"I'm fine." The woman replied, "You should know that we Vogels heal fast."

"Too fast, if you ask me." Her nephew muttered, "Will you come home, then? Does _baba_ know that you're injured, by the way? Have you written to him at all?"

Saira let out an airy laugh, "Good grief, so many questions. You just returned, Ehaan. Go back to your dorm first. _Tonight, you rest. We shall speak tomorrow._ "

Ehaan nodded uncertainly.

"I'm glad you are safe." Saira patted his cheek and he returned her smile.

"I'm glad you are, too."

* * *

Ever since her nephew had joined the Survey Corps, Saira had made it her duty to look out for him. She kept an eye on him in a way that didn't make it seem that he was someone special. During expeditions, she tried not to think about the various ways Ehaan could die. She didn't want to lose any more of her family.

But there were times when she wanted to choke the life out of him. Like two days later when the duo had gone home for the weekend.

"You tattled!" Saira accused her nephew, pointing a finger at him as the seventeen year old cowered behind his mother, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once in your life?"

Sebastian crossed his arms and interrupted, "If he hadn't told me about what had happened, then you would've kept lying to me every time you got hurt."

She threw her arms up in exasperation, "It doesn't matter! I'm okay now."

"You could've died!"

"I could've died a lot of times in these past years. I've always come back, haven't I?" Saira snapped at her elder brother.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "For f- I should've never introduced you to Erwin and Nile."

"Don't bring Erwin into this! And don't you mention that bas-"

Adeline sighed, "Sai, sit down. Seb, dear, leave her alone. They've had a long ride and I'm sure both of them must be tired. And you-" She turned to her son, pulling his ear, "You better stop snitching. You're seventeen now. Act like it."

"Ow, ow, ow. Ma, let go! Owww, I'm sorry. _Saira bua, tell her to let go._ "

The woman simply ignored the painful cries of her nephew and seated herself in her usual place at the dining table. It was then that she remembered.

" _Bhaiyya_ , where's _noor_? Why isn't she here?"

Sebastian nervously scratched the back of his head, sitting at the head of the table. He knew that Saira and Ehaan would explode with anger if they found out that Nadine had joined the military.

But if he lied now, then he'd have to lie for the next three years. It would be so…troublesome.

"Training." He simply said.

"…What training?" Ehaan asked, rubbing his now aching ear.

"Military training."

Saira choked on her soup. She hacked and coughed so badly that her still healing ribs hurt.

"No." Ehaan flatly said, "Call her back. There's no need for her to join the military. She was doing very well academically. She could become a teacher or a scholar or-"

"What branch does she want to join?" Saira asked her elder brother and the sheepish look he gave answered her question. The woman swore colourfully in their native tongue and Ehaan's ears went red when he understood the profanities.

"Saira." Sebastian chided her.

"I can't help it, alright?" She replied, rubbing her temple.

Heaving a sigh, her brother folded his arms, "I'm not too happy with her decision either. But you know how she is. She gets her pig-headedness from her mother."

"What was that, dear?" Adeline called out from the kitchen.

"Nothing, sweetheart." He called back and then lowered his voice, "Nadine would've found another way to convince us if we had refused. I'm hoping that she changes her mind towards the end of her training and chooses the Garrison."

Ehaan felt frustration and guilt. Frustration because he knew that there was in no way that his little sister would waver from her decision and that she would have to live the same life of uncertainty that he and their aunt lived. Guilt, because it was _that_ day in Shinganshina that had driven her to this decision and he could do nothing to help her.

" _Bua_ fell down from the roof of HQ and almost broke her neck." He blurted.

"Oh, you little shi-!"

* * *

 **Baba – Father**

 **Noor – light**

 **Hi everyone!**

 **I hope all of you had a good weekend. I know I didn't (;-;) It was terrible *sob***

 **EnemyOfDeath : I get so excited when I see your review. It makes my day, honestly. No, the expedition was not Levi's first expedition. It's already been two years since he joined the Survey Corps.**

 **I appreciate all of your reviews! Please don't be a silent reader. Tell me what you feel about the fanfic.**

 **See you guys! ^-^**


	12. Chapter 12

The first time the 104th Trainee Squad had their 3DM Gear training, Nadine collided face first into a tree and fell from 15 feet off the ground. It was much more painful than it sounded.

"Hey, Marco! Looks like Tomato got squashed and died!" Howls of laughter were heard from Jean who had completed the 'simplest' obstacle course that the instructors had set-up way before Nadine.

The red-haired girl didn't move for a moment and while she was conscious, she felt as if she would actually die because of the amount of blood that filled up her mouth because of biting onto her tongue too harshly.

"Don't talk like that, Jean." Marco's worried voice chided the other boy and carefully landed next to the fallen girl, "Nadine? Where does it hurt?"

"Don't think she can hear you," Jean smugly said, "And I had high expectations from you, Vogel."

Nadine leaned on her elbows, spat the blood from her mouth, making the boys yelp with disgust and worry, and stared right at Jean, " _Fuh orf, Kirftein_." The girl staggered to her feet, gathering her gear in the process.

"Vogel!" One of the head instructors yelled, situated high on the branches of the forest, "Head to the med-bay if you can't continue. _Or get off your ass_."

Wiping the remnants of blood harshly using the back of her hand, Nadine let out a firm 'Yessir. I apologize, sir.'

Sending the grappling hook flying into the tallest branch she could find, the red-haired girl swung upwards and soon disappeared from sight, leaving the two boys staring after her.

"She's going to die."

"Jean."

"If not in this practise, by the end of our training then."

Nadine finished the practise session by the end of the day, with a broken arm and a twisted ankle. It was a miracle that she had all her teeth intact inside her mouth. She had cuts and bruises all over her body and everything ached.

Jean had followed her throughout, moving on from Eren for Eren wasn't doing as bad as he had expected. Kirstein had thrown taunts and jeers and perhaps he was one of the reasons why she had twisted her ankle.

Jean Kirstein made her day even more miserable.

After depositing her gear, the first thing she did was drag herself to the medbay. The nurses were not quite surprised to see her there as they were of her wounds.

"How the hell you've managed to beat yourself up like this, I'll never know," Said one of the doctors as he examined her busted arm.

"This is going to hurt." He warned her, motioning towards the nurse to get the bandages for her cast.

Half an hour later, the girl limped out of the medbay with her arm in a cast and her ankle bandaged tightly.

 _'How the fuck am I supposed to layoff training for a week?'_ She bitterly thought to herself as she made her way to the bathrooms. Eager to wash off the blood and grime she was coated in, she ignored Ymir's calls of ''You look like death, Carrot-top!''

Nadine was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't even realise when the bathrooms had been emptied. She found herself sitting all alone in a quiet corner. Carefully as to not disturb the bindings on her arm and foot, she undressed, wrapping a towel around herself.

For a while, she blanked out again. When she blinked, she found herself sitting next to a bucket of water, with a brush and soap in her good arm.

Violently scrubbing off the dirt and dried blood, Nadine sniffed. Pausing and putting the brush aside, she tightened the towel around her as she went through the entire day's events. Over and over again.

It was embarrassing.

 _Humiliating._

She could've done so much better.

Had she taken the entire training for granted?

Did she not work hard enough?

All through the day, she had tried not to pay attention to any of Jean's jibes at her efforts. But they had stung.

She hadn't been _the worst_ amongst the trainees. There was this one person who had finished the course a few minutes after her. Whilst crying and sobbing and whining, but he had completed it nonetheless. With wounds and cuts far fewer than Nadine.

The red head removed her towel and emptied the contents of the bucket over her head. In her haste, she forgot about her broken arm and ankle. She cried out in pain and tears of helplessness pricked her eyes.

A knock on the door made Nadine breathe in sharply, the tears now so close to falling.

"Nadine?" Mikasa's gentle voice called out, "May I come in?"

"Ho-hold on." The redhead jerked to pull the drenched towel around her tighter and tried to stand up only to forget that she had hurt her ankle.

Nadine fell with a loud thud and that was all it took for all the frustration to come pouring out. She started sobbing, first quietly and then in helpless whimpers, with her good arm covering her face.

The door creaked open and Mikasa walked in, carefully stepping over the discarded brush, with another towel in her hand. She cautiously knelt over the weeping girl, clasping her upper arm with the utmost care.

"Oh, Nadine. Look at the mess you've made here."

This made the girl cry even harder as Mikasa pushed back the wet hair plastered to Nadine's forehead. After helping the girl sit upright on a small stool, Mikasa began to dry her damp hair with the towel she had brought.

"Cry all you want." She told Nadine, whose whimpers had subsided into tiny sniffles, "Cry about today all you want." Mikasa ran the towel over Nadine's shoulders and arms, "And then never give yourself the opportunity to cry about anything else. Because you will become better than what you are today. Sobbing here like a child will not help. Get up and get to work. No amount of hard work that you put in is going to be enough"

For a moment, Nadine's heart ached a little more at Mikasa's harsh words. But she understood the meaning behind them. The first day couldn't leave her in shambles like this. She had to spend the next three years here, training and fighting.

Quietly, as her friend helped her dress, Nadine vowed to herself that she would become better.

"Dinner will end in thirty minutes." Mikasa led the two of them out of the bathing area, "I'll take you to the dining hall. There must be some food still left."

"What about-"

"We've already had our dinner."

The cold air made Nadine's face sting. She limped awkwardly while leaning on Mikasa for support, all the way till the doors of the dining hall.

Sniffing a little, Nadine nodded her thanks to her friend, "Go, rest up, Mikasa. I'll handle it from here. Thank you."

The dark haired girl placed her hand over Nadine's arm, "There's no harm in asking for help, alright?"

With those words, she left for the dorms.

Trying to steady her breathing, Nadine nervously peeked into the hall to find a few of her coursemates conversing lazily, scattered across the room. The moment the redhead stepped in, the chatter stopped and all eyes were on her. As she walked past the tables, whispers followed her.

"-Heard she was the worst-"

"-Poor first year. Look at her-"

"-Nobody's performed this bad-"

"-Either die or be sent to the fields-"

It was Marco who had called out to her, motioning to sit next to him and Jean. Nadine sent a harsh scowl at the latter, who responded with a smug grin.

"Nadine, I saved you...some...fo- where are you going?" The freckled boy stared after his friend who had picked up the bowl of soup and bread, and had stormed off to sit with Bertolt and Reiner. "What did you do, Jean?"

The boy snorted in response, "I didn't do anything. It's a good thing she sat there. I would've caught her stupid if she had sat with us."

"That's enough, Jean." Marco snapped, "There's no need for that attitude. Can't you see she's hurt?"

From the few months that they had lived together at training camp, Jean had observed that there wasn't much that made his roommate lose his temper. Marco was the most patient person he had ever met. And to make him snap like that meant that you had really crossed the line.

Not that it affected Jean much.

"I'm just saying," He continued, leaning back and twirling the soup spoon casually, "if she chooses the Survey Corp with skills like this, she'll be titan fodder."

" _She won't be titan fodder._ " Marco frowned, "You need to go apologize to her after dinner."

"For what?!"

"I didn't forget all that you said to her today. She hasn't either. It's only right that you at least say sorry."

It took a five second staredown for Jean to break his resolve. The guilt of angering Marco took over him. Clicking his tongue, he set his spoon down on his empty soup bowl, "Fine. But I'm doing this for you."

"I'd appreciate it more if you did it for Nadine."

"Don't push it."

It had thrown off Bertolt and Reiner when Nadine had quietly slid next to the former. They were friends, yes. But the girl had never sat with anyone but Marco or Armin.

When the silence got to awkward, Bertolt nervously chuckled, "G-good work today."

Nadine snorted as she tore a bite from the loaf of bread.

Reiner kicked his friend from under the table, "What he meant to ask was how are you."

"Fuckin' _dandy_."

The boys swallowed visibly, eyeing the cast on her arm. Bertolt had started to sweat.

"It mus-must be uncomfortable," The tall boy managed to stutter, "The ca-cast and all."

"Naw, I'm having the _time of my life_ in these bandages."

The awkward silence returned and Bertolt's sweating increased. The two could only glance at the redhead from the corner of their eyes. As Reiner opened his mouth, Nadine cut him off.

"There's no need to make conversation. I'll leave as soon as I eat. You guys can get back to whatever you were doing."

"No, no." The blond protested, "I was going to offer help. With the gear, I mean."

"Then I'll shamelessly accept your offer. Because I need all the help I can get." She drained the remaining soup from her bowl and staggered to her feet. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Nadine, do you need any-"

"No, Bertolt. Thank you. Goodnight, guys." The redhead dumped her used utensils into the wash and limped out.

Wobbling all the way to the stairs, she tried to ignore the shocks of pain caused by her ankle. Though she had broken her arm, it was the ankle that ached more.

Which was really strange.

Nadine struggled to descend the stairs, praying that she wouldn't fall face first. And obviously, it was as if she had jinxed herself. The redhead had hopped down onto the second stair and felt her foot slip. Bracing herself for a world of pain, she screwed her eyes shut.

Instead of falling, she felt a firm grip on her forearm which pulled her back. Unfortunately, whoever had grabbed her hadn't realized that it was her broken arm.

Nadine let out a huge scream of pain and landed bottom-first on the ground.

If she could've, she would've ripped out her arm to make it stop hurting.

"Jean, what did you do!?" Marco's panicked yell was heard.

Nadine still had her eyes closed as she tried to control her breathing. She felt Marco's arms around her as he tried to analyze the damage.

"She was going to fall!" Jean snapped back, "I didn't know it was her bad arm that I caught."

 _I should probably get crutches._

"Are you alright? Can you get up, Nadine?" Marco frowned heavily out of concern as Jean grit his teeth in the back.

"I'm fine." She blinked out the tears and tried to shrug his hands off of her shoulders. She had lost count of the number of times someone had to pick her off the ground today.

Stumbling painfully to her feet, Nadine walked away from the duo despite her aching limbs. She was halfway to the girls' dorm when someone tugged back by her arm. Again.

"What would it take for you to _leave me the fuck alone, Jean_?" Nadine spoke with all the venom she could muster.

It didn't affect Jean, though.

"I'm here...to apologize." He managed to speak through gritted teeth.

The damned boy was the last thing she wanted to deal with before finally going to bed. "You're forgiven. Now, go away."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

" _That's it_?"

Nadine wanted to snap him in two and throw him in the fire that was burning at the guards' post. Why wouldn't he leave her be?

"Fine. I'll put in a good word for you with Mikasa. I'll tell her about how you swooped in and saved my life multiple times. Maybe then she'll notice your dumb ass."

"Hey, what's with that attitude? I came here to say sorry, alright. No need to get so-"

"You came here" Nadine raised her voice, startling Jean, "because Marco guilt-tripped you. But I don't want to see you, Jean. I don't even want to hear your voice. Not after all that you said today. I don't know what _my_ bestfriend sees in you. You're just the worst."

With that, the redhead turned and walked off. Only to be stopped by Jean's voice.

"You hold the hand grips wrong. Because of that you end up either using too much gas or too little. That ends up throwing you off balance midair and you lose your momentum."

Nadine looked at the boy over her shoulder as he continued with a blank face.

"Your wrong grip also misdirects the grappling hook. That's why you twisted your ankle."

Maybe he had expected Nadine to say something in response. Maybe that's why he held her gaze with his expression very slowly morphing into cockiness.

"Screw you."

The girl hobbled away leaving the boy staring after her. He watched her disappear into the dorms and clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"Bloody redheads and their temper."

* * *

 **Aah, Jean. You lovable jerk.**

 **I know, I know. It's been months. It's just...College, man. I've never hated anything as much as I hate my college. Best years of life, my ass. It's made me miserable. Lord knows how I hate Economics now.**

 **How have you all been? Are you all eating and sleeping on time? Are you drinking enough water? Studying hard for school? (I've been doing none of that, lol.)**

 **I can't promise when I'll update next because at the rate at which my classes are happening, I'll probably end up having brain damage or something. Idk.**

 **But but but, I'd love to know what you guys thought of this chapter. Leave a review, send me an IM, the usual~**

 **Stay healthy and safe, y'all!**


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